Outside
by Even Roses Bleed
Summary: Season five, No Glory, no Riley. When a young which turns everything upsidedown, Buffy and Spike swap lifes. Buffy knows about this change, but also has new memories with her old ones. Buffy finally sees what it means to have no one. BS after awhile.
1. Bring me to my Knees

Disclaimer: Not mine! The titles are from a "Staind" song called "Outside." Also not mine.

A/N: The only thing that does belong to me is my little made up character in here. Please don't use her without asking. Please R&R!

_**Bring me to my Knees  
**_

Buffy fought with the vampire, standing in front of the girl they had been attacking. Buffy had to give her props, she wasn't doing bad holding them off, but she looked like she hadn't eaten in weeks.  
  
As Buffy dusted the last vamp, she turned around, expecting the girl to run like most of the victims, but she just sat there starring up at her. Buffy reached her hand down to help her up. Once she was standing, Buffy got a good look at her.  
  
She was tall and skinny, much taller than her, but not as tall as Xander. She had very pale skin that almost glowed next to her all black clothing. She had a sort of punk grunge look, her hair had reminisce of dye at the ends. She had big pretty eyes, surrounded up thick eyeliner, but Buffy couldn't say they were a particular colour.  
  
Buffy realized she was starring at the girl, "Ummm," Buffy started, "You should get home."  
  
"Don't have one."  
  
'Irish accent,' Buffy thought. "Oh," She said, "Why don't you come back with me?"  
  
The girl shrugged and nodded, then fallowed Buffy to the Magic Box.

* * *

The bell on the door rang and the gang looked up.  
  
"Hey Buf," Xander said, "Who's that?"  
  
"Guys this is Kerri,"  
  
Kerri put up her hand in greeting,  
  
"She doesn't have a home, so I said she could live with us."  
  
The gang nodded in agreement, and Buffy pulled Kerri over to sit with them.  
  
She plopped down in a seat next to Willow, and looked at the book she was reading.  
  
"Are you a wiccan?" she asked.  
  
Willow looked up from her reading, "Yeah," She said, "I am."  
  
Kerri smiled and pulled a sliver pentacle necklace from under her hoodie.  
  
"Oh great!" Willow said happily, "It's nice to meet other wiccans."  
  
Tara walked into the shop then, "Tara, honey this is Kerri, she's a wiccan too."  
  
Tara and Kerri shook hands over Willow. "Nice to meet you," Tara said quietly, Kerri nodded in return. As the three girls sat in the corner and chatted about spells, the door opened again, and Spike walked through.  
  
"Ello' all."  
  
Buffy stood up, "Spike, leave." She said pointing to the door.  
  
The attitude in the room suddenly got hostile, and Kerri looked up confused, "What's going on?" She asked.  
  
"We don't like him much," Xander answered.  
  
"Well, I might like 'im." Kerri said.  
  
"You from Ireland love?" Spike piped up.  
  
"No, Seattle," She said absently.  
  
"I meant originally."  
  
"Oh, yeah."  
  
"Where's you're parents then?" He asked.  
  
"In Ireland," She explained, "See, I moved outta' there to Seattle, and it as fine with them, cause I'm sixteen. I went down here tryin' to get an' actin' job. But my apartment exploded..."  
  
"That's not unusual," Buffy sighed. "But anyways, Spike, get out."  
  
"Fine, whatever." Spike said, trudging back out.  
  
"I don't get it," Kerri said, "What'd 'e do?"  
  
"See," Xander explained, "He's a vampire, he's evil."  
  
"Didn't seem evil."  
  
"He has an implant in his head so he can't hurt people."  
  
"Oh..." Kerri said, thinking about it, her head perked up, "I'll be right back," She said. She wondered through the store to the training room, up to the back door. She pulled it open and saw Spike sitting on a crate, silent tears tracking down his cheeks.  
  
He saw her there and roughly wiped at his face. "You should be inside sweetheart," He said, "It's not safe out here."  
  
She walked out, and sat on a crate by him. "You're not very safe out here either, are you? Lots of things out to get you?"  
  
"Yeah..." He said, not thinking, "I mean no, um, yea, but I'm not afraid of 'em of anythin'."  
  
"You don't like their rejection, do you?" She asked quietly.  
  
"No," He whispered, not sure why he was saying this, but not really having a reason to lie.  
  
"Do you have friends?"  
  
"No," He said again.  
  
"Did you ever?"  
  
"Once," He said voice cracking, "But he's gone."  
  
"I'm sorry to hear that," She told him, "Don't worry Spike, I think I can make this world just a little better for you." She leaned in and gave him a hug, then ran inside.  
  
Spike was shocked at the expression of affection, and walked home himself, hoping she was right.


	2. All The Times That I Could beg you Pleas...

A/N: R&R!

_**All the Times That I Could beg you Please**_

Buffy woke slowly. She yawned once and opened her eyes. She screamed and fell from her bed onto a hard cement floor. She looked around her  
  
'What am I doing in Spike's crypt?' She thought. She stood to her feet shakily, but leaned against the bed as she was overcome by a rush of memories. New memories rushing in with here old ones.  
  
Drinking blood, being turned, fighting with Spike who was the...Slayer?! This wasn't right, these things never happened to her. 'What the hell happened?!' Her mind was screaming. There was a light knock on the crypt door,  
  
"It's open," Buffy called.  
  
Kerri carefully slipped in and closed the door behind her. "Hello Buffy." She said softly.  
  
"Kerri what the hell is going on? Something happened right?" Buffy was panicking now.  
  
"Yea, something happened." She said in the same soft calm voice.  
  
"Well what!" Buffy yelled.  
  
"I did a spell," She said, "You and Spike switched lives now, but you're the only one who knows."  
  
"You did what!" Buffy shrieked "Why the hell would you do that?!"  
  
"I think you need to know how Spike feels, and how he has to live." She said calmly still, "You have a beautiful home, he has nothing, and you make sure of that. I told him I'd make this world a little bit better for him, so you need to live his life. You're going to need a revelation to change back."  
  
"It's not like he has any feelings!" Buffy yelled.  
  
"I guess you'll find out, won't you." Kerri said with a small smile, quietly walking out the door again.  
  
Buffy was freaking out know, she had no idea what to do, she couldn't live his life.

* * *

Across town William "Spike" Summers woke up to the sound of his sister's voice.  
  
"Will!" She called, "Wake up! There's no food!"  
  
Spike groaned and rolled over in his bed. He could hear Dawn's feet racing up the stairs. His door slammed open and Dawn belly-flopped onto his bed.  
  
"Wake up Spike!" She yelled in his ear.  
  
Spike shoved her off his bed. But she hopped back up.  
  
"Fine, I'm awake." He grumbled, sitting up, making Dawn get off the bed to stand on the floor. He swung his feet over the edge, and ruffled his already messy curly brown hair.  
  
"Nice hair Frodo," Dawn quipped.  
  
Spike looked at her oddly, "Frodo?" He asked, looking at his feet.  
  
"You know," Dawn explained once he looked back up, "British guy, big blue eyes, messy curly brown hair, little ringlets everywhere?" She said, moving her fingers around in little circles by her temples for example.  
  
"You've gotta' stop watching those movies." Spike said standing and shuffling to the shower.  
  
"Na'," Dawn called, "Legolas is way to hot!"  
  
"Who?" Came the reply. "The elf! I thought you read the books!" She yelled exasperated now. She could hear the water turn on. "Oh, the blonde one? And that was awhile ago." Spike yelled.  
  
"Yes, the blonde!"  
  
"He's a-" Spike started to say, but Dawn cut him off.  
  
"Shut it Will, there's no food, what should I do?"  
  
"Hold on, we'll go out alright?" He called.  
  
"K!" Dawn yelled, bouncing to her room.

* * *

Kerri looked up from her make-up when she heard a knock on her door. "Come in," She said.  
  
"Hi Ker," Dawn said, coming in and sitting down by her.  
  
"What's up?" Kerri asked, going back to applying eyeliner.  
  
"Nothing really," Dawn said, "There's no food, so Will's taking us out."  
  
"Alright."  
  
"What're you doing?" Dawn asked pointing at the streaks Kerri had drawn coming down from her eyes.  
  
"Dunno'," Kerri said, "Just playing around."  
  
Dawn shrugged "Cool, Will should be done soon, so let's go."  
  
Kerri put her stuff down, and fallowed Dawn out the door.

* * *

That night the gang was sitting at the magic box.  
  
Buffy pushed the door open and walked in.  
  
Spike stood up, "Buffy get out of here."  
  
Buffy was surprised by how quickly she was jumped on. She looked around at here friends, but all she could see was hatred. She really couldn't believe this. 'But Spike deserves it,' She thought.  
  
"Buffy," Spike said harshly, "Get. Out."  
  
"Why should I?" She blurted out.  
  
Spike stalked up close to her, "Because there's nothing you can do to hurt me, but there's a lot I can do to hurt you."  
  
Buffy spit in his face then spun out the door.

* * *

_"Buffy help me!" Spike called out to her. He was being attacked by all kinds of monsters, and even humans. He sat huddled up, unable to fight back.  
  
Buffy ran to help, but when she got there, the monsters where gone.  
  
Spike lay on his side, cut and bruised, lying in a pool of his own blood. He looked into her eyes, "Why didn't you save me?" He asked.  
  
She opened her mouth to respond, but in a flash of light, his body was gone, and she was in a deep forest.  
  
"Buffy!" Spike's voice called out to her again.  
  
Buffy wandered through the forest until she found him.  
  
"Buffy!" He called out even though she was right in front of him.  
  
"Buffy help me!" He was crying now.  
  
"Spike, I'm here, I'm right here!" She said to him.  
  
"Buffy, I'm lost! Help me please!" He fell to his knees in desperation.  
  
"Spike can't you see me? I'm right here!" She told him.  
  
"Buffy!" He let out one more strangled yell before sobbing into his hands.  
  
She reached out for him, but before she could reach him, the flash of light came again.  
  
Spike was in a wheelchair sitting alone in a room.  
  
Drusilla and Angelus walked through the door together, fused at the mouth.  
  
Spike rolled his eyes. "Back I see," He said.  
  
"Still useless I see," Angelus smirked.  
  
Spike tried to catch Dru's eye, but she just had a look of disgust.  
  
Angelus grabbed the handles of the chair and flipped Spike out.  
  
As they walked out Buffy stared as Spike tried to get back in, when the light flashed again.  
  
Spike was pacing his crypt, "God why do I even try?" He said.  
  
"Spike?" Buffy said, walking in front of him, but he walked right through her.  
  
"I'm useless, I can't feed, I'm in love with the Slayer,"  
  
Buffy gasped.  
  
"Why should I even go on anymore, I'm just a waste of space." With that he picked up a stake and rammed it through his heart.  
  
"No Spike!" Buffy screamed as he disintegrated. "I love you!"  
_  
Buffy sat straight up in her bed in the crypt. "No..."


	3. I Felt Insecure for you

Disclaimer: First page.

A/N: Ok, it was kinda just scene flashes before, but that was for everyone to get an idea. This will be more like a story from now on. Any ideas you can give me would help too. Just remember Buffy's and Spike's lives are the same, just backwards. And they have memories of that and each other. Sorry for the short chap. But I had no ideas.

_**I Felt Insecure for you**_

The door to Buffy's crypt banged open.

"Buffy!" Spike yelled, "You here?" The door slammed shut behind him, and he spun around.

Buffy walked out of the shadows. She was wearing a tight black leather halter-top, and pants, with a loose, men's red button up shirt over it.

'Wow she looks hot,' Spike thought, then mentally slapped himself, 'What am I thinking, this is Buffy.'

Buffy leaned back against the wall, "What'd ya want?" She asked him, 'I'm getting good at this!'

"Umm, there's a demon that needs to be...Ummm, you know..." Spike stammered, still trying to get the Buffy thoughts out of his head, 'How does that shirt stay up?'

"Killed?" Buffy asked crossing her arms and leaning forwards.

Spike's eye's almost popped out of his head at the perfect view he had down her shirt. "Yeah..."

Buffy smiled as she saw what he was looking at. She straightened up, and closed the red shirt around her, "Alright, when should we go?"

Spike shook his head lightly, "Um, now. Now is, um good."

"Fine," Buffy said, "Lets go." She began walking towards the door.

"Don't you wanna, you know...Change?" Spike asked her.

"Why" She asked innocently.

"Umm, no reason..." He replied, determined not to let her know she was getting to him, and fallowed her out the door.

"So what kinda' demon are we talkin' here?" Buffy asked Spike as they made their way through the graveyard.

* * *

"Giles said it was a Geithoniel." Spike said, looking straight ahead, and away from Buffy. 

"Alright," Buffy said, perfectly calm with the situation. As they walked on, the air got colder, and colder. Even to Buffy, who temperature shouldn't have affected. She clung to the red shirt, and wrapped it around her tighter.

Spike hugged his arms to himself. They were unconsciously getting closer to one another, even Buffy's normally room temperature body was giving off heat in the cold air. Soon they were almost touching, when Buffy accidentally brushed against Spike's arm, his stomach flopped, and heat spread through his freezing body. Buffy didn't seem to notice, but Spike stopped walking. He stared at her, one little touch shouldn't feel like that. Especially a touch from Buffy.

Buffy noticed he was no longer by her, she turned to look at him.

He cocked his head to one side, and stared at her oddly.

"What?" She asked, slightly unnerved by the staring.

Spike didn't say anything, he just walked up in front of her, and placed his hand on her cheek. The warmth once again spread through his body.

Buffy tried to not lean into his hand, she pulled away from him looking shocked, "Spike," She asked him in a shaky voice, "W-what're you doing?"

"You're beautiful." Spike said from nowhere, 'Where the hell did that come from?' He asked himself.

Buffy took a stumbled step back, "I'm what?" She asked.

"I said you're," He paused and took a breath, "You're beautiful..."

"Oh..." Buffy said, she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, "Um...Thank you..." As she reached up to tuck her hair behind the other ear, Spike stopped her hand, and did it for her. This time Buffy felt the spreading warmth, and gasped. She looked up into his blue eyes. They looked so insecure, so frightened. She new his history with girls, and he was still hurt after Cicely. 'Bitch,' Buffy thought, 'She didn't deserve him.

Spike realized he still had his hand by her ear, and quickly pulled it back. "We can't do this," He told her in a whisper, "No one would ever understand..."

"Do you love me?" She asked him, 'What the hell am I doing!' She screamed at herself, 'I'm really the Slayer! I shouldn't be here! This is so wrong!'

"I..." Spike started, then just nodded yes.

"I love you Spike." She told him, "We're the one's who matter."

Kerri watched from the bushes. She was responsible fro the little temperature change. She just honed their thoughts in on each other, and presto! Instant romance novel. She'd seen the chemistry since day one, they just need a little push.

Demon completely forgotten, Spike leaned down and covered Buffy's lips with his. If they had looked up, they would have noticed the snow, lightly falling around them.

Kerri smiled from her hiding spot, getting up quietly, and starting back to the Summers resident. They weren't as hopeless as she'd thought.

(A/N: This is what's called a sappy ending! And a cliff-hanger. But the story's not over yet!)


	4. I Leave my Burdens at the Door

Disclaimer: First page.

A/N: Thanks for the reviews, ideas popped into my head, and now the story will make you go gasp! because I enjoy doing that! So here it goes, the gasp! chapter.

**_I Leave my Burdens at the Door_**

Spike woke up, and tumbled off his bed onto the floor. "Ow," He groaned. He had one hell of a hangover, and that really hadn't helped. "Ok, no more drinking..." He lied to himself. That had been one messed up dream.

(A/N: Gasp!)

He'd thought Buffy was...Hot?! And he loved her, and she loved him, and Kerri was there, and the snow...

"Too much thinking, Advil now," He said, standing up unsteadily. He looked at the bottles spread around his room. 'Advil, shower, coffee.' He wandered down the hall to the bathroom, and almost ran into Dawn as she exited it.

She winced at him, and waved her hand in front of her nose, "Whoa, Will, you've had a whole half already!"

"I am burning that movie..." He grumbled at her.

"Don't blame Lord of the Rings for your drinking issues, now take a shower," She pushed him lightly into the bathroom, "You stink."

* * *

Kerri sat in her room, quietly hoping her little spells worked. So she fiddled around in Buffy and Spike's subconscious, nothing she hadn't done to other people. So now they both said they loved each other, in their dreams.

And the only little mix-up is that she'd accidentally put herself in Spike's dream, but nothing to bad. Her friends didn't call her Aine (A/N: Celtic goddess of love) because she messed up spells. She was going to get those two together. She still didn't know why she cared so much though.

'Damn empathy...' She lit up a candle, when a knock on her door distracted her, "Come in," She said, without realizing she had all her spell things out.

Dawn walked in "Kerri-" Dawn started, "What's all this stuff?"

Kerri quickly realized her mistake, "Ummm," 'I could tell her, it wouldn't matter.' She thought. "Dawn I need to tell you something."

"Wow..." Dawn said for the fifteenth time, "So this is really an alternate universe..."

"Yup," Kerri responded.

"And only you, Buffy, and now I know."

"Yes."

"Interesting..." Dawn quipped.

"You're taking this amazingly well," Kerri said.

Dawn shrugged, "You get used to it."

* * *

Spike stumbled into the kitchen to see Dawn and Kerri already there. 'Does that girl ever sleep?' He thought looking at Kerri.

"Good morning William," She said politely, "How's your hangover?"

Dawn snorted into her cereal.

Spike glared at her, but smiled when she slid a cup of coffee down to him.

"So," Kerri said, "Any interesting dreams you wanna' share?"

Spike almost spit his coffee out.

Dawn giggled again.

Spike raised his eyebrow at his sister, "Ker," He asked, "Did you give Dawn coffee?"

"No," She said innocently, "Why do you ask?"

Dawn started laughing so hard she almost fell off her seat.

"No reason..."

* * *

Buffy paced around her crypt. She had actually drunk blood, major ew. Well it had tasted ok, but...It was the principle of the thing. How could Spike drink something so disgusting, he was so nasty and-

"I'm going to be a vampire forever!" Buffy whined. Her door suddenly slammed open, and Xander walked in.

"Hi Xander." She said plainly.

Xander gave her a quizzical look. "Xander?" He asked her.

Her eyes opened wide, hoping she hadn't made a huge mistake. "That's your name isn't it?" She asked, trying to keep her cool.

"Yeah," He said narrowing his eyes, "But no whelp? No sidekick? Just Xander?"

She quickly scanned her brain for an excuse, "Yeah...I guess I'm trying to be nicer..." She mentally smacked herself. That was the worst excuse ever! _"And you have stupid hair."_ Maybe not the worst...

"Nicer," Xander said in disbelief, "Right..."

"Umm," Buffy said, trying to get past this part, "What do you need?"

Xander gave her another weird look, but asked his question. "Have you seen Spike?"

"No." Buffy said easily.

"What do you mean no?" Xander asked.

Buffy's eyebrows shot up, 'What?' She thought. "I mean no," She said, "I have not seen Spike."

"Are you lying?" Xander asked.

"Why would I lie about if I saw Spike?" Buffy asked, "Where'd he go?"

"If I knew that I wouldn't be in this hell-hole asking you." Xander said.

'Is he always this big of a jerk?' Buffy thought. "Look," She said, "I don't know where he is alright? So just get out of my house ok?"

Xander laughed, "Yeah, nice house."

"I can't exactly get money to get a real one can I?" She asked him. 'He can't can he,' Buffy thought.

"You could just leave." Xander told her.

She walked over to the door and held it open for him, "You first," She quipped.

Xander glared at her, "You're useless." He said, then stalked out into the night.

She slammed the door as hard as she could, trying to get the last comment to be deafened from her ears. But it rang louder than the door did. How many times had she told Spike that? Her vision started to blur, and she felt a pang in her chest.

She put a hand over her heart, "Ow..." She fell into the easy chair, and stared at the ceiling. 'Maybe I won't be a vampire forever,' she thought. Then something popped into her head. She jumped up and grabbed her coat. She had to see Kerri.

(A/N: Next chapter will be longer...I keep saying that don't I...Give me ideas!)


End file.
